


Take My Whole Life Too

by Muccamukk



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad Sex, Demisexual Lewis Nixon, Dick Winters makes a lot of bad decisions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, New York City, Period-Typical Language, Post-Canon, Queer Culture, look i don't know either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 22:11:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20646479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muccamukk/pseuds/Muccamukk
Summary: After spending the whole war pining, Dick finally confesses his feelings. The trouble is, he doesn't know what to do with Nix now that he has him.





	Take My Whole Life Too

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to ThrillingDetectiveTales for beta reading my awful spag and telling me tense needed to be less experimental.
> 
> This could be seen as something of a follow up to [Where the Mountains Meet the Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17867771), but totally stands alone if you don't want to read that.
> 
> Title from Elvis.

Nix met Dick at Grand Central, his dark eyes and steady voice feeling more like a return home than seeing Dick's own childhood bedroom had, even as his navy suit jarred. They'd been a matched set for so long, and now Dick still wore his green and pinks and Nix had changed.

The way Nix's hand felt when it clapped him on the shoulder hadn't though. "Come on, let's go for dinner," he said.

Dick thought about dinner for a second, the pull of familiar company after months apart, falling into the way things used to be, how easy this all could be. He remembered that afternoon in the meadow in Austria, and the promise he'd made to himself afterwards.

"No," Dick said, "I need to talk to you first." He knew that if he didn't get this over with now, he never would.

"Sure, let's go for a walk." Nix didn't sounded sure, but he gestured for Dick to head to the main entrance, and then fell into step beside him. Nix arranged for Dick's bag to be sent somewhere Dick didn't catch, and led him up into the thin January daylight.

Soon, they were standing in Bryant Park, an expanse of partial-shovelled snow and isolation. In midafternoon on a Wednesday, the only other pedestrians were some old men walking briskly past and a city worker trying to finish shovelling before the next big storm blew in. Nix tugged his scarf in place and blew on his hands. Dick leaned his hip against the back of a snow-covered bench and made himself not fold his arms. He tried standing at parade rest, and finally shoved his hands in his pockets.

"So what were you so hot to tell me that you couldn't wait to get some food in me first?" Nix asked.

Dick folded his arms across his chest, noticed he was doing it again, and rocked back on his heels. He blew out a long breath. "Something I wanted you to know before I took you up on that job offer. It might make you change your mind."

Nix's head cocked to one side. Dick had always wondered if Nix had known, but he didn't seem to see this coming. Dick felt the words stick in his throat. He'd spent so much time imagining the best outcome, but now it seemed that he could only see the worst on Nix's face. Maybe they should have had dinner first. No, Dick's first instinct had been right, it was now or never.

Steeling himself against Nix's growing impatience he glanced around the park, lowered his voice below the scrape of the snow shovel and the honk of traffic, and said, "Nix, I'm a homosexual."

The clinical term felt awkward in his mouth, but Dick didn't want to risk misunderstanding by using slang. He kept his eyes steady on Nix's, watching as his face went slack with surprise. Dick waited for it to shift to condemnation or disgust or even rage, but it didn't. Instead, Dick watched as Nix gathered himself and slid behind a mask of indifference: his army face. Dick's heavy wool overcoat didn't cut the cold of that look.

What Nix finally asked was, "How long have you known?"

"I've always known," Dick said, though that was too simple an answer. "I've just never... well I've never done anything about it."

"And you didn't think you should tell me until now?" Now, Nix had started to sound angry. His mouth thinned and he took half a step back. Patting through his pockets, he found his flask and took a long swig.

"It didn't seem like the right time," Dick said. He made himself hold his ground, neither shrinking back nor following after. "With the war."

"The war. Right."

Dick tried to come up with an explanation that didn't make himself sound like a coward, but he couldn't appear honest and brave at the same time, so he said, "I almost told you, that day in Austria when we went hiking, remember?"

Nix cast back. His face was pinched and narrow, and he was still holding his hands like he meant to blow on them, only now they'd clenched into fists. Dick wondered if Nix wanted to hit him, or if he hadn't even realised what he was doing. Which would be worse? Before Dick could decide, Nix's face relaxed. The walk through the alpine meadows seemed to come back to him, along with its picnic and lazy afternoon sleeping in the sun, and he nodded slightly before he said, "So why didn't you?"

"I was afraid of what you'd think of me," Dick said. He'd needed Nix then, like he'd needed air, and the thought of the smallest risk of facing the war without him had sealed his mouth like a curse. Even now, he wasn't sure his nerves could stand much more of this. "But now that we're back... well"—he gestured at the city around them, tall buildings starting to light up as evening came, the distant pedestrians, the lack of war—"You'd figure it out, Lew."

"Guess I would," Nix said. He thought for a moment, each breath seeming to ratchet up the tension in Dick's shoulders.

The cold of the bench rail had soaked through Dick's gloves and started to bite into his palm. He clenched the metal harder, needing something to hold him upright now. "Well?" Dick said finally.

Nix started. He'd been looking at Dick like he'd never seen him before, but something crystallised in his expression, either understanding or conviction. Nix lifted his chin. "So are you in love with me or something?"

Part of Dick wanted to protest that not everything was about Nix, that Dick's sex life—or in this case lack there of—was his own affair. Except of course he _was_ in love with Nix, and had been for a long time. "Yeah," Dick said, "I am."

"Huh," Nix said. He glanced around the park, saw a young woman coming and waited for her to be well past before he asked in a low voice, "So you want to kiss me?"

That usually was what Dick had understood being in love to mean, or so he'd been informed by Gershwin and Porter. "For starters," he said. He was gearing up to say that he didn't expect anything from Nix, that Dick had just wanted him to know, before it came out anyway, that he was being honest with a friend. It wasn't the truth, but some lies would make them both feel better.

Nix beat him to it. He threw his hands out in an expansive shrug and said, "Sure."

"What?"

"Sure," Nix said again. "Why not? We've been living joined at the hip for three years anyway. It'd be about the only thing we haven't done. Christ knows I've always liked you better than my ex wife."

"You..." Dick started to say and then made himself shut up. Of all the things he'd expected Nix to say, this wasn't one he'd imagined. However, he wasn't about to argue himself out of an assent. "All right," he said. His heart was pounding in his throat, and now he felt like he had to hang onto the bench to keep his feet on the ground.

"So now what?" Nix asked.

"I guess we go to dinner," Dick said. He didn't know either. His imagination had always elided the steps between admitting how he felt and getting to kiss Nix.

"All right," Nix said, and turned back towards the street. "I've got us a table booked. You'll love it."

Dinner was a white tablecloth quasi-French affair in a restaurant large enough to belie intimacy and small enough that their table had no privacy. Dick couldn't seem to get his heart to stop feeling like it was going to fly out of his chest, and every time he looked up at Nix, he felt his face being pulled into a smile. He hadn't known that a man could feel nervous and giddy at the same time. Nix drank steadily, and Dick tried to tell if it was more or less than he usually did.

Dick brushed the toe of his jump boot against Nix's ankle, and Nix looked up at him and smiled.

They ate something that Nix said was good and Dick didn't notice, and talked about their families, how Christmas had been, the trip home, the train up, the war, the pictures, anything but what Dick was thinking about. He hoped Nix was thinking about it too. Dick was almost getting up when he realised that Nix had ordered ice cream for dessert.

"It's early," Nix said.

"Doesn't feel like it," Dick answered. He watched Nix toy with his spoon, turning it back and forth in the melting ice cream until the silver surface was coated in white. He brought it to his mouth and licked the cream off. Dick felt his lips part and his face heat. He'd seen Nix flirt with girls so many times, out of habit it seemed, and always thought about what it would be like if those alluring looks were directed at him.

Dick took his own scoop of ice cream but couldn't make a show of it like Nix was. He tried to enjoy the flavour but ended up packing it back just to finish it. He knew he'd always think of cool metal on his tongue and wanting to be somewhere else when he remembered this meal. He let Nix pay.

"Do you... uh, do we have a hotel?" Dick asked.

"Sure," Nix said. "I've got a room at my club." Hiding his words in the swirl of people on the sidewalk, he added, "I got one with two beds, but one's big enough for both of us."

"All right," Dick said, because he had no idea what else to say. Nix looped his arm through Dick's, the alcohol making him gregarious, and they walked like that for the half dozen blocks to the club. Dick didn't know what else to say, so he focused on the warmth seeping through Nix's coat and the knowledge that soon, finally, Dick would be able to take that coat off and touch Nix's skin.

He'd patched together so many scraps of intimacy—half dressed horseplay during training, shared showers, curling up together against the cold, a hand on a shoulder—and made a dream coat out of them. So many nights, especially after Nix had left for the States, leaving Dick alone in Europe, Dick had stroked his cock and thought about what this would be like. He'd thought then that Nix would never want to reciprocate, but the guilt had never kept him from the temptation of the fantasy for long.

Nix said something flippant to the doorman, waving at Dick, and Dick slipped through seen but not noted. He didn't know what he would do without the armour of his Class As, but that was for later. Now they were standing in an elevator trying not to look at each other as the bellhop eyed at Dick's medals with envy.

The room Nix had gotten was really two rooms, and the larger bed was more expansive than anything in Dick's childhood home. He'd seen ones like it in Germany, and slept in them a few times, always wanting but never daring to ask Nix if he wanted to share. The door clicked behind Dick, and he turned to see Nix watching him.

"Do you want to?" Nix started to ask, but Dick stepped in and put his arms around Nix's neck. Nix stood stiffly for a moment, then brought his hands up to Dick's hips. "All right, I guess you do," Nix said.

Dick was smiling so hard his face hurt, but he leaned in and pushed his lips to Nix's. They both tilted their heads the same way at the same moment and their noses bumped into each other. Trying again lead to the same result, and Nix started to laugh. He pulled his flask out and took a swig, tipping it back to clear Dick's hair.

"We need to work on this," Dick said wryly.

"You hold still, and I'll just..."

Dick stayed as though petrified, and Nix tipped his head slightly, leaned up, and touched his lips to Dick's. He had enough alcohol on his breath to found a still, but he moved gently. He held his lips to Dick's until Dick remembered that he was supposed to do something and opened his mouth a little. He felt Nix's mouth curve into a smile as it pressed against his cheek.

Nix pulled away. "Feels strange with stubble," he said.

"I can go shave," Dick said. He didn't think that would help much if Nix was hanging up on Dick being a man when they didn't even have their coats off.

"Nah, it's all right," Nix told him. His smile flashed white against cheeks darkened by his own stubble. He squeezed Dick's hips. "I'll get used to it."

This time he held still while Dick leaned in. Dick tilted his head carefully, but his nose still poked into Nix's cheek. This never seemed to happen in the pictures, but actresses also usually had small noses, Dick reasoned. Nix parted his lips as Dick kissed him and instead of dry lips brushing against each other, the kiss turned soft and wet. Dick had never thought about how much his lips could feel. The outsides of Nix's lips had chapped a little in the cold, making a rough contrast to the tender inner lip. Dick kept moving between Nix's lips and the corners of his mouth, wanting to feel all of it. He was going too fast he knew, but it was hard to slow down.

Nix's hands pushed up under his coat and lay warm on the small of his back, even through his jacket and shirt. Dick felt like he would melt into a puddle at any moment.

"Mmm, this is nice," Nix said, "but do you want to take some clothes off?"

"That usually how it works?" Dick asked. He was still grinning. He didn't think he'd ever stop.

"Usually," Nix said. He stepped back enough to undo the buttons on Dick's coat while Dick pulled the scarf off Nix's neck. His cover was tucked in his belt, but Nix hadn't even taken his hat off. Dick took it now and tossed it onto the side table. Nix followed the hat with Dick's coat and then his own. He started on his jacket next. "We should have done this in Austria. You weren't wearing so many layers."

Dick had been in PT shorts and a t-shirt then, as had Nix. The heat of the day had made them both sweat through their shirts. Dick had been able to see Nix's dark chest hair through his soaking white shirt. That he hadn't said his piece then would have been a miracle of willpower if Dick hadn't been so afraid.

When Nix shed his jacket, Dick moved back in. He wanted to be the one to pull Nix's tie undone and unbutton his shirt. He slid Nix's suspenders off. His hands rested on the place where they'd crumpled the fabric at Nix's shoulders. Nix's skin felt warmer there. Dick realised his hands were shaking a little and smoothed Nix's shirt down again. Nix's tie had some knot Dick wasn't used to, and instead of it slipping loose, it knotted tighter, making Dick sigh.

"You usually move this fast?" Nix asked. His hands closed over Dick's and he pulled the tie free.

"No," Dick said. Honestly compelled him to add, "I haven't been on a date since junior year, and we didn't get even this far."

Nix didn't let Dick's hands go. "So you haven't kissed anyone since 1940?"

Dick sighed. He'd known Nix was going to make fun of him for this. "'Thirty Nine," he said. "But I haven't wanted to kiss anyone except you since then." He pulled his hands away and started undoing Nix's buttons. The top one was stiff, and Nix had to tip his head back to give Dick's fingers room. Dick's knuckles brushed against Nix's throat, and he wondered at the vulnerability entailed in every movement of this night. Nix's dog tags rested against his breastbone, the one familiarity of his outfit. Dick traced the chain with his finger. They'd both be out soon, and free. Dick leaned in and kissed the hollow of Nix's throat. He was getting hard, and Nix wasn't showing more than an inch of skin.

"That feels nice," Nix said. He tried to pull Dick's shirt out from the back of his pants, but it got tangled up in his suspenders. Finally, Nix got the sides free and slid his hands up to Dick's ribs. Dick laughed and tried to twitch away as Nix's rough palms tickled. "I'm going to use that later," Nix promised him.

Dick wanted to slide Nix's shirt off, but it didn't work if Nix was feeling him up under his own shirt, so he skipped that and started undoing Nix's fly. He pushed Nix's pants down around his thighs, then hesitated. It didn't seem right just to put your hands on another man's cock without asking. In the version of this Dick had imagined, they just _knew_ what the other wanted.

Nix's hands had stilled under Dick's shirt, and he looked at Dick quizzically. Dick wasn't sure Nix knew what to do next either, but it seemed like asking couldn't hurt.

"May I touch you?" Dick asked.

"Touching me now," Nix said, and wiggled his eyebrows.

Dick kissed him so hard their teeth clacked together and his mouth hurt, but at least that shut Nix up. He felt for the fly of Nix's shorts while still kissing him. Nix wasn't hard yet, which was disappointing, but Dick assured himself that they hadn't gotten up to much. Nix gasped against Dick's mouth when Dick closed his hand around his cock. Dick thought that was probably a good sign, so he squeezed down carefully. He liked it rough and hard when he did himself, but maybe Nix wouldn't. Dick had always wanted to be gentle with Nix, to look after him. Everything in the ETO had tried to grind them down, and Dick had pictured this as one pool of gentleness and love.

"This okay?" Dick asked.

"Yeah." Nix's voice had pitched higher than Dick had heard it before, which Dick thought was a good sign. He squeezed again and pulled away from Nix's body, and Nix dug his nails into Dick's sides, like a cat flexing its claws in pleasure. "Yeah," Nix said again, breathy against Dick's cheek.

"Let's move to the bed," Dick said. He pulled his hand out of Nix's shorts and stepped back to shuck out of his jacket and shirt. As much as he wanted to take his time and undress Nix, he wanted his clothes off more.

Nix stripped too, and Dick had trouble focusing on his buttons when he was watching more and more skin appear with every carelessly dropped item of clothing. First Nix's arms and shoulders, then his whole chest as he pulled his undershirt off, then his legs. He cock still stuck out through the fly of his shorts, hard and flushed. Dick thought it was bigger than his, and he wanted to touch it again. He'd liked how he could make Nix react when he did. He'd always thought of Nix as being responsive like that.

"Like the show?" Nix asked, and when Dick nodded, he grinned in smug satisfaction. "Let's see what you look like."

Dick realised that he hadn't gotten past unbuttoning his shirt, and quickly pulled it and his undershirt over his head. His dog tags clinked against his chest, warm metal familiar against his skin. He could feel his face heat as he worked at his fly. Nix was watching him with interest, and Dick had never thought about what it would be like to be looked at like that. He couldn't be what Nix was used to. He bent to unlace his jump boots, which was awkward as hell with a hard on. Next time, Dick was going to take the boots off first. It went better after that though, and then they were standing naked in front of each other.

Not quite sure how to proceed, Dick moved in again and kissed Nix. They were getting better at that part at least. Nix's mouth opened to his right away, and Dick touched Nix's teeth with his tongue. They stood with their bodies touching along their whole length, chests rising and falling against each other with each breath, knees knocking a little until Dick stood wider. Their cocks rubbed against each other lightly, and Dick gasped when the head of Nix's pushed against his balls. He thrust forward unconsciously and poked Nix in the stomach.

Nix made a show of wincing. "Yeah, that's not going to work."

Dick flushed, embarrassed by his awkwardness. "What do you like to do?" he asked. He had been hoping that Nix had a better idea of how to go about this than he had.

"It's kind of different with women," Nix said. His fingers drummed against Dick's shoulders and glanced to the side.

"Different how?" Dick asked, kissing his cheek. He didn't want to talk about women, especially Nix's ex wife, but he was open to suggestions at this point.

Nix rocked back on his heels, putting more space between them. His cock was softening. "I don't know! You just sort of kiss them and feel them up until they open their legs and then... they kind of look after themselves?"

"Oh," Dick said. That definitely wasn't going to work, and he was feeling increasingly less ready to go. He had read some dirty pamphlets that had gotten passed around, and once a book in German—spine tingling with anxiety at every word—but they always just said stuff like _entered_ or _breached_ without going into specifics.

He stroked down Nix's back and cupped his ass. That felt good, anyway, and rolling his hips against Nix's felt good—and now he was more careful to not push too hard—but it didn't feel like enough. It didn't feel like he'd imagined it would feel. Dick slid his hand down until his fingers slipped between Nix's ass cheeks.

"Nope," Nix said strongly. "That's not going to work either."

Blushing hard, Dick pulled his hand away and put it on Nix's thigh. That made him think of something the boys had talked about in prep school. "All right," he said. "Look, you lie on the bed, and I'll..."

"Okay, yeah," Nix agreed, and it must have been a sign of profound trust that he did just that without asking Dick what he planned to do. He lay face down on the bed and folded his arms under the pillow. As far as Dick could tell the whole thing had entirely turned Nix off, but he thought that once they got going again it would be okay. He wasn't sure what he'd do if it wasn't.

Dick lay down on top of Nix, holding himself up on his elbow so he didn't squish him. He kissed the side of Nix's neck, right behind his ear. "It's going to be all right," Dick said. "We'll go slow."

Feeling the curve of Nix's ass against the head of his cock made Dick want to do anything but go slow, but he promised himself he'd be careful for Nix. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him. He carefully knelt on the either side of Nix's legs and adjusted his body so that his cock pressed at the seam between Nix's ample thighs. When they'd met, Nix had been made of hard muscle and fight, but peace had already started to soften him again. Dick liked that, liked that he could feel Nix's ass round against the jut of Dick's hipbones. Nix would start getting a belly soon, and Dick wanted to rest his head on it and lie there until the world became still too.

Now, Dick pushed forward experimentally. Nothing happened. The pressure pushed his glans back, but his cock didn't slide between Nix's thighs. Pushing harder hurt, and made Nix grunt in discomfort.

"Spread your legs a bit," Dick said. Nix did, and Dick was able to fit himself into the space that made. The heat of Nix's thighs tight around him almost made him come then and there. Nix obligingly squeezed his legs together, which made Dick drop his head to Nix's back and take deep breaths until the world stopped spinning. He liked how that felt, and knew he'd like it more once he got moving.

The angle wasn't ideal, but Dick pulled his stomach muscles in and planked himself up. His cock dragged out between Nix's thighs, making Nix grunt and bunch his shoulders up. Dick didn't like the way Nix was holding onto the pillow for dear life. He did like how it felt to force himself back into the tight space between Nix's legs. Dick shimmied up the bed a little to try to get more leverage. His cock rubbed against Nix's balls next time he thrust forward, which made Nix squeak.

"Sorry," Dick muttered. He felt like they were so close to getting this right. Reaching under Nix, Dick found that he'd gone completely soft. It seemed like he could either keep going and finish himself, or slow down and risk dragging out something Nix wasn't enjoying at all. "Do you want me to stop?"

Nix sighed faintly under him. "No," he said. "No, you just..." He flopped his head against the pillow, which was meant to communicate something, but Dick wasn't sure exactly what. "Lay on."

"All right." Dick could feel shame coiling in his stomach, and he knew that he should stop and let Nix be, but he was already close and it wouldn't take him long. He kissed the back of Nix's neck and angled down a bit to thrust between the thickest parts of Nix's thighs. It felt rougher than it should and Dick wanted to apologise. He stroked Nix's back in long petting motions with his free hand and kept moving his hips back and forth. The friction as his cock dragged against Nix's skin, and the heat of Nix's legs felt almost felt too much like pain. Dick gritted his teeth but kept moving forward. He realised that he was grunting like an animal, but couldn't stop. Heat flushed though his body and pre come or sweat or both slicked the way up a little. Dick could feel his toes curling against the bedspread. He was breathing too fast and shallowly to get enough air, and started to feel dizzy right as he came. He kissed Nix's back to cover the scream, and his skin felt cool under him. Dick lay still in the release for a moment, heart pounding, then rolled off.

Too late, Dick realised that he hadn't put anything between himself and the bedspread, and therefore had soiled it, and Nix was lying in the wet spot.

Nix, who was lying on his stomach and holding the pillow like a life ring while he stared off into space.

"You all right?" Dick asked.

"Peachy," Nix replied, and Dick felt his heart sink.

He hadn't meant it to be like this. He'd meant to show Nix how much he loved him, and in the end he'd just been selfish and taken what he wanted. At least Nix didn't flinch when Dick put a hand on his back. "Lew," he started, and he wanted to apologise, but was pretty sure Nix didn't want to hear it. "If you roll over, I can clean up the bed, and then, uh, I can give you a hand. You liked that earlier."

Nix sighed heavily and didn't move. "Dick, you're my best friend, and hell, I don't know, I might even love you the way you want, but I am not up for you trying anything else tonight. I'm drunk, and I'm tired, and I might have combat fatigue. I just want to go to bed."

"Okay," Dick said. He didn't like how small his voice sounded. He got up and went into the bathroom. His cock was sticky with come, and he stepped into the shower to rinse off. Once the hot water started to hit his shoulders, he slumped forward into the tiles.

Never in a million years had Dick imagined things going this badly between him and Nix. He'd pictured being cast out, he'd even thought that Nix might hit him, but it had never crossed Dick's mind that Nix would want him, and then Dick would royally foul everything up on his own steam. Of course it should have. Dick shouldn't have expected just to naturally know how to do this, and he shouldn't have assumed that Nix would have either. When it had become clear that neither of them had the least clue how to proceed, Dick should have stopped. Or at least just jerked Nix off and called that an end, instead of chasing his own pleasure.

And now Dick might have hurt him, and here he was hiding in the shower instead of trying to think of what to do to make it better. He was pretty sure Nix had been joking about the combat fatigue, but what if he wasn't? What if Dick's fumbling of the whole thing had hurt him or made him feel bad about himself, and now he was in there all alone?

Dick stepped out of the shower and towelled off as quickly as he could. He brought several warm wash clothes in to help clean Nix up, maybe to sooth him. Dick had some idea that Nix might like a warm cloth over his eyes. Dick could try to kiss whatever it was better. Maybe Nix would forgive him then.

When Dick got back into the bedroom, Nix was under the covers, apparently fast asleep. There was a wad of tissues next to the waste basket beside the bed. A half-smoked cigarette burned through itself in the ashtray. Dick tossed the wash clothes back into the sink. He stood naked in the middle of the room feeling like the lowest worm ever to crawl the earth.

At least there was another bed, and Nix wouldn't have to put up with him any more that night. In the morning... Dick had no idea what he was going to do in the morning. He had no idea if Nix would even talk to him, then or ever again. Dick didn't know what he was going to do, if that were the case. He'd have to go back to Lancaster, and take one of the jobs his uncle had found. Long-haul truck driving was sounding pretty good at that moment.

Dick bent and picked through the clothes scattered across the floor, trying not to think of how happy he'd been just an hour ago, or how well things had started out. He pulled on his shorts and Nix's undershirt and started into the other room. He turned out the lamp on the way by, intending to find his way through by feel.

"Oh for Christ's sake," Nix muttered, sounding half drunk and half asleep, and Dick froze in place like a caught thief. "What are you doing now? Just come to bed, Dick."

Dick paused, but Nix sounded both sincere and annoyed, so he turned and groped around the edge of the bed until he found the side Nix wasn't on. Enough light came in street that Dick didn't stub his toes on the bed. He still wasn't used to the lack of blackout curtains and light discipline. Wasn't used to the lack of gasoline rations. Wasn't used to peace.

Nix had taken over the middle of the bed, so there wasn't really anywhere for Dick to lie that wasn't touching him. He lay on his back and folded his arms on his chest so that only his shoulder was touching Nix's outspread arm. As much as he wanted to roll over and huddle up close to Nix's side like they had all through the war, he didn't know if he should.

"Jesus, Dick," Nix said. His voice was crisper and more alert. "You didn't hurt me, so drop this sackcloth and ashes routine and get over here."

"All right." Dick rolled over and rested his head on Nix's shoulder, then pulled a bit of pillow up to wedge in there when Nix's clavicle jammed into his ear. Nix was naked under the sheets. Dick put his palm flat over Nix's heart and felt it's steady beat for a while before he said, "I'm sorry, Nix."

Nix's sigh lifted Dick's head, and his whole body seemed to deflate as he let it out. After, Nix lay still for so long that Dick wasn't sure he was going to say anything at all. "I guess it's good to know that there's something you're bad at," Nix said finally. "You were giving me a complex for a while there."

Dick smiled tentatively. "A complex, Lewis? You know what I think about that Freudian bunk."

"I think Freud would have one or two things to say about what just happened," Nix said, but Dick could hear the answering smile in his voice. He curled his arm around Dick's back and squeezed his shoulder. "How do you square it, anyway?"

"What?" Dick asked, to give himself more time to articulate an answer.

"I don't know, being a queer, God, the army, all of it?"

For someone who'd been too worn out to let a buddy jerk him off a minute ago, Nix sure wasn't pulling any punches. Dick's prepared answers—the justifications he told himself when he had his head bent in a church pew—didn't seem right here. He turned his face to kiss Nix's shoulder before he said, "Well, I guess I'll figure it out with God when I get there, and the Army can take a hike." He hesitated before circling back to the heart of it all. "It doesn't _feel_ wrong to love you. It never has. We're like Alexander and Hephaestion."

"Who?" Nix asked with interest, then followed a different thought. "I hadn't thought about it, before you, but I don't really. Women just... well, uh, I guess they see a Nixon and want the money, or an American officer, and want the silk stockings and canned pineapple. They want me, so I go along, but, and it's nice, you know. I won't say I don't enjoy it. I don't know. I don't want it like you do."

Dick stayed still, trying to think what it would be like not to be constantly filled with this aching need for pleasure and release. He wanted to ask if Nix was just going along now, bending to this because Dick wanted it, and Nix wanted to make Dick happy. "You don't care?" he asked instead, "that I'm a man?"

Nix laughed. "You know me. When have I ever cared about anything?" He sounded more serious when he added. "If a good little Mennonite farmboy like you is fine with it, well..." he patted Dick's shoulder to indicate that he was offloading his moral responsibility onto it.

"Oh, Nix," Dick said. He had a feeling that if Nix ended up going to hell because of this—or because of any of the terrible things they'd done in the last two years—Dick would just have to follow him there anyway. He edged a little closer, putting a leg over Nix's thighs. "I've never lived on a farm."'

"Yeah, sure," Nix agreed placidly. He covered Dick's hand on his chest with his own, intertwining their fingers.

Dick closed his eyes and tried not to think of the mess he'd made of that night.

At least Nix seemed to have forgiven him, but Dick didn't know what to do now. They would have to go more slowly, instead of tumbling forward and expecting it all to work out somehow. He needed to think of this more like an operation, work out what intelligence and resources he would need in advance.

"I'm going to make this right, Nix," Dick said. He kissed the centre of Nix's chest again, and tried to clear his mind so that he could sleep. He needed to be rested in the morning.

The last thing he heard before he drifted off was Nix murmuring into his hair, "I like holding you."

* * *

Dick woke up early the next morning, and tried to spend a few minutes just being happy that Nix was naked and in bed with him: his slack cock touching Dick's thighs, his arm over Dick's waist. But it didn't take long to get from that thought to remembering in vivid detail how much Nix had not enjoyed the previous night's attempt at intercourse. He'd sounded so unhappy, and hadn't even wanted Dick to touch him after.

Shuddering with self-loathing and shame, Dick untangled himself and crawled out from under the covers. They'd ended up curled around each other like they always had sharing body heat in the foxholes. Dick on the inside because Nix said he was thinner and needed the warmth, and Dick going along with it so that he didn't risk Nix feeling the hard on cuddling always gave him. Sometimes he'd woken to feel Nix's cock pressing against his ass, the erection plain even through both their uniforms, and imagined that Nix was dreaming about him, and not some girl in England or back home.

Now, Nix mumbled something sleepily as Dick crawled out of bed and hugged Dick's pillow to his chest when he didn't come back. Dick dressed and went downstairs to find coffee and the papers.

"What's got you so interested in the news?" Nix asked a few hours later. He propped himself up on his elbows and the blankets fell away to reveal his chest. Dick stared over top of the paper. He hadn't forgotten that Nix had slept naked, and if he wasn't sure he wanted to touch, he could at least look. Nix's hair was tousled and falling down over his eyes, and his cheeks were dark with stubble. He looked sleepily at Dick and smiled like nothing bad had happened in his whole life.

"Just keeping up," Dick said. He closed the metro crime section, and flipped to the weather. "More snow today."

"Too bad, I wanted to take you skating," Nix said. He rubbed at his eyes and then looked down his own body, then at Dick. Dick could see him considering something before he shook his head slightly and dismissed whatever it had been. "Give me a minute, and we can go for breakfast. Do you want to catch a show tonight? _Oklahoma_ is still in town."

Dick set the paper down and ran his palms along the crease to settle it against the table. It left an inky stain on his hands. "Yes to breakfast, but you'll have to go to the show by yourself. I've got some business to look after tonight."

"Business?" Nix swung his feet out of the bed, and Dick followed the line of his leg from ankle up his calf and thigh until the blankets pooling in Nix's lap hid the rest. "You got something going on besides that interview with Dad on Monday?"

"Just tying up loose ends," Dick said. He didn't mean to be so evasive, but he didn't want to make Nix a promise that he couldn't deliver either. He didn't want to keep being a disappointment time after time.

"When will you be back?" Nix asked, clearly offended at being ditched.

"Um... probably late."

* * *

It took Dick an hour to find the kind of bar he was looking for. He could pretend he was on reconnaissance all he liked, but the habits of the German picket patrol and the New York homosexual did not entirely coincide. Dick had loitered, followed, tried several different bars that were either for normal patrons of for queers of a subtle enough strain that Dick couldn't detect them. Finally, as he made his way up Broadway towards Times Square, he saw a couple of sailors duck into a basement door. They passed some kind of inspection on the way in, then disappeared.

Very much hoping he wasn't about to find himself in a brothel, Dick followed. He knocked twice than three times as the sailors had, and a woman who could have arm wrestled Bull Randleman opened the door. She looked Dick's Class As up and down twice then held the door a little wider and gestured him in with a jerk of her head. Dick touched his cover and ducked in through the doorway.

Across the smokey bar, a man with his coat slung over his chair was singing "Mad About the Boy" in a falsetto. He had a handful of admirers at nearby tables, but most men gathered at the bar in varying degrees of drag and dishabille. The sailors were already dancing with each other in an open space not quite big enough for three couples but holding four. Other than the doorkeeper, Dick didn't see any women. There were only a few dozen men here, but it was early yet and a Thursday.

Dick sat at the bar between a gentleman in a blond wig and eyeliner, which contrasted with his sharp black suit and red tie, and a svelte young man who was probably just about old enough to get drafted. The youngster was dressed normally, but had his legs crossed like a lady and smoked with a cigarette holder. His hair hung in ringlets around his face in a style that Dick's sister would have spent an hour on.

Dick had never been sure exactly what queer street was supposed to look like, but he was pretty sure this was a reasonable facsimile.

"Good evening," he said to the man in the wig and then nodded to the boy. He ordered a coke from the bartender.

The man held out his hand like a lady might, expecting a kiss, and said, "Now what's your name, handsome?"

Though hadn't come into a bar like this expecting to escape with his virtue entirely intact, Dick checked himself before answering, "Uh, Richard."

"Well, Richard," the man reached over and took Dick's hand and squeezed his fingers. "_Well_, I'm Joey, and that's Carl, and we'd just love to be your friends."

"How do you know I'm not the cops?" Dick asked, thinking of the raids in the papers.

Joey giggled. "Why, Major, if the cops had a fresh-faced thing like you, they'd have sent you in dressed as a sailor." He smacked his lips and glanced sideways at the sailors, who had both moved onto new partners. "Everyone knows how easy _they_ are."

"And you would know, wouldn't you Miss Chief Petty Officer?" Carl said reaching across Dick to bat Joey's knee.

"Oh, I _would_," Joey said. He sounded nostalgic, and Dick's previous urge to defend the navy dwindled. "And darling, if you are the heat, then least you can do is buy a girl a drink before you put the cuffs on her."

Dick coughed and looked down. Carl's hand hadn't made it all the way back to his side of the bar, and was now resting on Dick's knee. "I'll buy you both a drink," he said, and nodded to the bartender when he brought Dick's coke.

"Oh, a big spender," Joey cooed. "You just get back, your pockets just _bulging_ with... pay?"

This, Dick decided, was the price for his failure to research properly beforehand. Carl's hand had inched up his thigh, and Dick was going to have to move it in a minute, but he didn't want to show any fear, or worse still distaste. He imagined that these men got far too much of that already. "No," he said answering honestly and ignoring the suggestiveness. "I got back in October. Haven't gotten into the city before now though."

"And now you just want to let down your hair, kick up your heels and find a nice fairy to bend over." Joey's eyes flicked over Dick's body again. "Or to bend you over? Do you want to sit come sit on my knee and let your mother look after you?"

After a long drink of the coke, letting the bubbles sting the inside of his mouth and trying not to die on the spot, Dick said, "Uh, no, thank you. Nice of you to ask."

Carl laughed. "Well..." he started off, and his hand continued its incremental voyage towards Dick's fly.

"I have a problem, I was hoping you gentleman could help me with," Dick said, before he realised how _that_ sounded. Oh well, it wasn't like what he was asking would be any better.

"Oh!" Joey cried.

"A problem!" Carl's hand was just about touching Dick's cock through his trousers.

Joey leaned forward and rested his chin on his folded hands. "Tell mama about your problem. Is it a war wound? Would you like us to look at it for you?"

Carl's hand started to tighten, and despite himself Dick felt his cock responding to the pressure. He reached down and took Carl's hand with his own, noticing the pale pink nail polish, and placed it back down on his knee.

"My problem," he said definitively, "Is that I already have a fellow. I've been crazy about him for years, all through our tour, and he likes me, but we, uh, don't know how to proceed. He's... well, I'm not. I don't have much experience."

"Do you want a lesson?" Carl asked. He kept his hand on Dick's knee for the moment.

Joey sighed and tipped back his pink gin. "No, Miss Thing; the major wants an army field manual."

"Yes, exactly!" Dick said, pleased that he didn't have to explain. "I don't want to... uh... to cheat on my friend. I want it to be with him."

Carl removed his hand and folded it back onto his own knee. He took a long drag on his cigarette and dramatically flicked the ashes. "Richard, that is _exactly_ the kind of thinking that has left you with a big beautiful army officer all your own and not one single idea what to do with him."

"Admittedly," Dick said. He traced lines through the condensation on his glass. "I guess there isn't a manual? I found one in German, when we were in Austria, but the army dictionary didn't cover most of the words. I couldn't ask Lieb... the company translator to help."

Joey laughed so hard he choked and Dick had to pat him on the back. His laugh was deep and barking, and reminded Dick that he'd served too, and that the falsetto was, if not a cover, than another part of him. Dick held out a handkerchief so that Joey could wipe his eyes. He dabbed carefully around his make up, but Dick still got the white cloth back marked with charcoal and blue.

"You just conjured the most _beautiful_ image, darling. Thank you, Richard, I'll carry that to my grave. But no there's no manual, only a better sort of dirty books, and they'll lead you down the garden path as often as not."

"Yes, I worked that out already," Dick said. He ground his teeth and absolutely did not think of the way Nix had reacted when Dick had touched his ass.

"Oh, dear," Carl said. All three paused, Joey and Carl to consider the implications of that, and Dick to clutch his glass and pretend that he was invisible. "Oh _dear_."

Joey laid his hand on Dick's wrist. "Richard, darling, your life is a tragedy, an unbearable tragedy, worthy of Sophocles himself."

Dick had rather been thinking it was a farce, but he didn't want to interfere with the sympathy he was currently getting. "And you're the two of the three muses?" he asked.

"_Exactly!_" Carl said, pleased by the designation. "We're here to inspire you."

"So, my child, you just listen to your mama and let her tell you _all_ about it." Joey picked up from Carl so smoothly that Dick wondered how often this double act was preformed, and how far it went. Dick remembered Carl's hand on his crotch and tried not to imagine what it would be like to be given a demonstration by these two. Joey's fingers was hot on Dick's wrist as he said, "_Now_, how much do you know about the fine art of fellatio?"

"Um..." Dick said.

Carl laughed. "You better buy us another drink."

* * *

Dick did indeed get in late, well after midnight in fact. Nix was already asleep, sprawled across the middle of the bed again. Dick stripped out of his uniform quietly and crawled in next to him.

"Hey," Nix said sleepily. "All done?"

"Sure," Dick said. "All done."

He kissed Nix, softly and then rested their foreheads together. Nix was so warm from being under the blankets that Dick thought he'd just melt into him. Nix put his hand on Dick's hip, then slid it up under his shirt. Tipping his head up, he bumped noses with Dick. "Missed you," he said.

"I was only gone for six hours," Dick answered, though he knew the feeling.

"I saved up six _months_ of missing you," Nix protested. His hand was rubbing lazy circles on Dick's back, pulling at Dick's fatigue like a lullaby.

"Do you want to sleep?" Dick asked.

"I don't know. Do you want to do something else?" Nix turned his head to kiss Dick, his mouth open and pliant under the returned kiss.

Dick could feel his heart rate starting to pick up as his cock filled, but he wanted to do right by Nix this time. "Maybe in the morning," he said.

"All right." Nix rolled forward until his face was pressed against Dick's undershirt and Dick could wrap his arms around him. He said something else, but it was too muffled to make out.

"In the morning," Dick promised, stroking Nix's hair, but Nix had already fallen back to sleep, his hand tangled in Dick's shirt.

* * *

Of course, Nix had always been a late riser. Dick knew that lying in bed waiting for Nix to be awake enough to do anything would only drive him mad, so he got up and showered, then got breakfast. By the time he got back from the pharmacy and a few other errands, Nix was just starting to stir under the covers.

Stripping, Dick got in under him and cuddled up until he was spooned around behind him. He kissed the back of Nix's neck and then his shoulder. He wondered if Nix was always going to sleep naked like this, and then froze at the idea that he was considering being in bed with Nix in the same thought as _always_. It was too early to think about things like that.

"Morning," he said into Nix's ear, and Nix made an inarticulate sound of disagreement. "Want me to wake you up?"

That question in itself woke Nix up pretty quickly. He tried to twist around in Dick's arms, but Dick held him snugly around the stomach and fitted their bodies together like they were one person. "By doing what?" Nix asked in some small alarm.

"Do you trust me?" Dick asked.

Nix hesitated, considered, and said, "Sure, of course I do."

Dick pushed himself up on one elbow and kissed Nix's cheek, then his lips. "I know what I'm doing, I promise."

"All right, wake me up then."

"You're already awake now, don't know if I should," Dick said, but he kissed Nix's throat and his shoulder before settling back in behind him. Nix was sleepy and relaxed in his arms, and he hummed softly in pleasure as Dick stroked his stomach and thigh. Dick followed the trail of hair down from Nix's navel until his fingertips rested at the base of Nix's cock. He was still soft, but a few slow strokes started to change that.

"That feels good," Nix murmured. He wiggled his ass against Dick's cock, which took an immediate interest. Nix stilled for a moment when he felt it, but relaxed as Dick's stroked him harder.

Dick was trying to remember everything he'd been told at the same time as he focused on what got the best reactions from Nix. Nix whimpered when Dick pressed his thumbnail to the base of his cock, and rocked his hips lightly when Dick held him more firmly and pulled his hand up the smooth shaft. Nix liked the head played with, and harder touches, but didn't react too much to Dick's hand dropping to his balls.

"We got this far last time," Nix said, and Dick hummed in agreement. He thought about bringing Nix off just like that, but didn't want to stop there. He wanted to show Nix that he could look after him, hell that Dick could make him feel better than he'd ever felt before.

Dick let go of Nix's cock and when Nix's grunted in protest said, "Shhhh, you'll like this. Roll on your back."

It was difficult to find his way under the layers of blankets, but Dick worked his way down Nix's body until he was on his hands and knees between Nix's legs. "Like a lollipop," he muttered, and licked the width of his tongue across the head.

Nix's resulting profanity was muffled by the blankets. The come beading at the tip of Nix's cock tasted odd, but Dick figured he'd get used to it. He licked again, more slowly this time, rolling the widest part of his tongue over the head and tracing the tip in a circle around the shaft. He had to take a moment to breathe after that, since the air was close down there. Nix flexed his thighs and pushed his hips up to try find Dick's mouth again, but when that didn't work, he petted the covers over Dick's head, urging him back down.

It took a long time to lick every side of Nix's cock from base to tip so that Dick hadn't missed a spot. Longer still because Nix kept shifting and twisting and trying to find a way to get Dick to hurry up so he could feel more. Dick pushed Nix's knees further apart and ran his hands up and down the insides of his thighs. The muscles trembled under his touch, and Nix groaned.

Dick was going to have to do this without the blankets next time, because he wanted to hear every last sound. Next time, Dick would look up through his lashes and watch Nix's face.

At the same time, though, being hidden felt safer, a little protected from the reactions by its quasi anonymity. Dick could feel Nix's reactions through the way his thighs trembled or tensed and the jerks of his hips. If Dick took the head of Nix's cock in his mouth and sucked, Nix would push up into his mouth. If Dick traced his tongue in a spiral pattern from root to head, Nix's body shook as his breath caught. Teasingly licking the head again made Nix's pat at the covers and try to push Dick's head down. He was as responsive as Dick had always imagined him being.

When Dick let one hand slide between Nix's legs and play with the soft skin behind Nix's balls, Nix tensed for a moment. Dick sucked harder, and Nix relaxed, letting Dick run his fingers up and down over the place. He didn't react when Dick followed up to his asshole and circled the tip of his finger around it. Nix was too busy trying to thrust into Dick's mouth just then. His breaths were coming faster, and his stomach rose and fell in sharp bursts as he tried to control himself.

Knowing he was turning Nix on like this made Dick even harder, and he shifted so that he could rub his cock against the sheets. It wasn't enough, but Dick made himself wait. This morning was about showing Nix how good Dick could make him feel.

Dick felt Nix start to shudder and kick at the blanket. Dick was sucking down as much of Nix's cock as he could fit in his mouth and still circling his finger tip around his hole, but he stopped and pulled away before Nix came.

"Are you trying to kill me?" Nix asked as Dick crawled out from under the covers.

"Just about," Dick said. He paused a minute to look down at what he'd done to Nix.

His cheeks were hot and lips parted and full, perspiration dampened his hair and made it curl more, strands sticking to his forehead. Nix was breathing in short gasps, and when Dick leaned over him towards the bedside table, Nix caught his wrist and said. "You have to be kidding me."

Dick picked through the paper bag for a condom and some lube, then flipped the covers back, revealing Nix's naked body. The room was warm enough that Nix didn't do more than grunt in disapproval, but Dick still promised, "Lew, you're going to like this."

"I will if you start sucking me off again," Nix said crossly.

"Yeah, yeah," Dick muttered. He shuffled back down the bed. Without the covers over him, it felt a little awkward to kneel between Nix's legs. Putting his head down meant putting his ass up, and he felt exposed and strange.

Dick put the condom onto his fingers, and then realised that made it hard to get the cap off the lube. Lew was looking down at him, which felt weird after the privacy Dick had had before. Dick flubbed opening the tube again before getting it off with his teeth. He wasn't sure how much to put, but had been told more was better.

"What are you..." Nix started to ask, so Dick slid his mouth down Nix's cock to shut him up. "Oh, jeeze, okay," Nix gasped.

As Dick started sucking again, he started circling his fingers around Nix's hole again. This time he pushed a little in each time, spreading the lube, and getting Nix used to it. Slick and covered in the condom, they slid in easily, a shallow dip inside Nix before pulling away again.

"Oh, Christ, Dick," Nix said when Dick got two fingers up to the first knuckle inside. "Oh, God. I don't..."

Nix grabbed Dick's shoulder, but he neither tried to push him off or pull him down. Instead he seemed to be trying to hold on for balance even as he lay flat on his back with his legs spread for Dick. His hips were moving now, pushing up into Dick's mouth and then dropping back down to onto his hand. Dick didn't even have to move any more. He kept sucking, humming lightly as he did, and Nix started to screw himself on Dick's fingers. He rocked down until Dick's fingers were up his ass as far as they would go. All Dick had to do then was curl them in until he found a spot that made Nix swear and start to beg.

"Jesus, Dick, please. Please, keep doing that." Nix's head thrashed back and forth against the pillow and his hips seemed to move on their own now. Each time Dick pressed forward, Nix jerked up towards his mouth. Dick had to keep backing off so Nix didn't choke him. Dick's jaw had started to feel sore, but he kept riding with Nix's body, feeling sharply satisfied at how it was his touch doing this to him.

Dick sucked harder, and Nix's movements became erratic, almost spasms, until Nix patted Dick's shoulder frantically and said, "I'm gonna—"

It was too late. Dick hadn't timed that right, and Nix thrust up into his mouth and started to come. Dick tried to pull away, but started choking and had to roll off and spit so that he could breathe at all. His fingers slid out of Nix's ass, the condom sticking to them, and Nix continued to thrust into the air. Dribbles of come sprayed across his belly, and Dick was having too much trouble breathing to do anything about that. He patted Nix's thigh helplessly, leaving lube smeared all over it.

"Christ," Lew said when he'd caught his breath. "Why the hell didn't you do that two nights ago?"

"I didn't know how," Dick said. He chucked the condom at the waste basket and reached down to stroke his own cock. The lube made everything slide so much more easily. He didn't even mind, really, that it was just him touching himself again. Firstly because Lew was watching him, which made everything feel different, and secondly because he'd done what he meant to do, and a simple reward was fine.

"Well, you're a hell of a quick study," Lew said with clear admiration. "Do I want to know what school?"

"Probably not," Dick told him. He rolled his hips a bit, thrusting into his fist. He wanted to put on more of a show, so he dug his heels into the mattress and arched his whole body up. He could feel Lew's eyes hot on his body, appraising, hopefully wanting. Dick closed his eyes and started to suck his fingers like he'd just been sucking Lew's cock.

"You know," Nix said, "Seeing you naked is kind of growing on me, but here." He reached down and closed his hand over top of Dick's. He squeezed hard enough that Dick stopped moving. When he had Dick's attention, Nix asked, "You don't want to screw me?"

Dick definitely did, but he was already so close to coming. Nix's hand over top of his was too much, and even without being able to properly thrust, Dick squirmed into the touch, taking every scrap of friction he could get. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out, but his breath kept making pained, whining sounds every time he exhaled. His skin flushed hot and he could feel the tingling build up, flowing through his body towards his cock. Nix stroked him now, one hard pull that dragged Dick's hand with it, and that's all it took for Dick to come. His body stayed arched backwards, and his fist yanked at the sheets. He closed his eyes so tight the world swam with red.

"Hey, there you go," Nix said. He stroked Dick as he came, leaning in so he could kiss his sweaty temple. "There you go," Nix said again. "Next time, you can screw me, okay? Jesus, you're a fast learner. Hey, easy." Lew kissed Dick's throat and the hollow under his collarbone, and his nipple, and back up again until Dick went limp and sank into the mattress.

Not worried that they were both a mess, Nix rolled over until he lay half on top of Dick and kissed him. It was a good excuse for Dick not to talk. Dick let his mouth fell open while Nix explored it with his tongue. Dick wasn't sure if he liked the tongue part, but Nix seemed to be enjoying himself. Dick caught Nix's tongue between his lips and sucked on it, which made Nix groan. Dick decided that he was going to spend the rest of his life memorising all the sounds he could get out Nix by kissing him.

Nix kissed Dick until his heart started to settle down, then flopped onto his back and lit a cigarette. "Well," he said, "I'm awake."

"You sure are," Dick agreed. "Want me to do that again tomorrow?"

"Give me half an hour, and we can do it again in the shower," Nix said. "I don't have anywhere to be. Not if it's going to be like this."

"I am sorry about..." Dick started to say, but Nix yanked the pillow out from Dick's head and smacked him in the face with it.

"Now you're giving _yourself_ a complex," Nix said. He reached over to flick the ashes off his cigarette. "And I need your head screwed on right if you're going to get through that interview with Dad."

"You still want me to move to New Jersey?" Dick asked, despite how stupid it sounded. He had to be sure.

Nix hit him with the pillow again. "Christ, you're an idiot sometimes. Yes!"

"Oh, good," Dick said. He pushed the pillow off and stared up at the panelled wood ceiling. The world felt, again, as though it were floating. "I don't think I know what to do, being this happy, I mean."

Nix laughed. "Well, we've got time to figure it out."

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the [Loose Lips Sink Ships HBO War Prompt Meme](https://looselipssinkships.altervista.org/index.php) prompt: "It turns out that the sum total of their combined knowledge of how to gay sex is zero." Check out the meme for more prompts. There is now also [an opt in game component](https://thrillingdetectivetales.tumblr.com/post/187709566202/exciting-news-hbowar-fandom-folks-the-loose-lips).
> 
> Also inspired by Picture Prompt Fun's Combo Challenge prompt: [warm summerdays](https://picture-prompt-fun.dreamwidth.org/109799.html).


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